Last week you turned two, Charley. You experienced a birthday in the peak of COVID-19 isolation mode. I'm so thankful it was you and not either of your sisters' birthdays last week. I'm going to hold out hope that by the time Emma's birthday roles around near the end of June that she can have a semi-normal birthday. It was actually quite great timing as we like to joke that "we don't celebrate second birthdays in our house" anyways. After all, we sent Emma to her first full day of daycare when she turned two, and well we moved house on Morgan's second birthday. Anti-climatic second birthdays is what we do.
But your sisters wouldn't let it not be special, they spoiled you, doted on you, walked you down the hallway when you woke up so you would see all of your special decorations. They wanted to play "fancy restaurant" for your birthday dinner, we didn't quite do that, but they did help cook some very special chocolate chip pancakes for dinner and made sure your cake was perfect. Emma learned how to play "Happy Birthday to You" on the keyboard. They both laughed at you in the best way when you decided to wear your new undies on your head for dinner and for the next few days. They put up with you when you played that Wiggles microphone on repeat. ALL. DAY. LONG. While you couldn't grasp 100% what was going on, you knew it was a special day about you no doubt and you let your personality shine in the moment. You wore that Elsa dress with all the confidence of a real queen. And you held onto that cake stand when it came close to you, no one was going to separate you from YOUR cake.
You are a "classic" third child. You are loud, really LOUD. You talk, a lot. While I vividly remember Emma and Morgan both turning corners with their speech when they turned two, you are already well and truly having full conversations with me and have been for the last couple months. You are a "pocket rocket" as Australians like to say, but let's be careful saying that as it means a few different things depending on what part of the world you're from. Here it means you are petite, but athletic and energetic. That definitely matches your Evil Knievel dare devil personality. You will be my child that either gives me a heart attack or finally sends us to emergency with our first serious injury.
But along with your big, outgoing, strong willed personality that orders your sisters around, you love BIG. I am thankful that I am often the recipient of so much of your love. You love to play the game where you say "my mummy!" and I say back "my Charley!" on repeat while I hold you and you squeeze my head against your cheek. You tell me you love me and have perfected your air kiss (hopefully you'll figure out the timing of your lip smack on my cheek soon).
I have moments of guilt when you don't always share this love equally with other family members but you have a special bond with each of us as the youngest one of the house everyone loves their baby Charley. No doubt the bond between Morgan and yourself is truly special. You already beat her up, I'm fearful of what is to come, but you two always make up and Morgan with her gentle heart always forgives you right away without question, and pulls you in for a big hug and says "that's ok Charley, just don't do it again."
This isolation thing has arguably been most difficult on you. You've missed our last 6 weeks at playgrounds, but we tried to make it up a little to you with the tiny inflatable slide and ball pit we got you for your birthday. I look forward to when I no longer have to tell you that a playground is broken when you spot one or when I don't have to go to all ends to avoid you seeing one. You in general just want to disturb the peace when you're inside at home and it hasn't made for the best combination with your sisters that are actually able to sit still and want to learn and do quiet activities. You have worn me out, but I love not having to rush and drag you from place to place during the day and our normal activities as well.
I don't know what the future holds for you, my youngest. I don't know what the future holds for our world either. I am thankful you won't really remember this time and I pray that the "new normal" that results over the rest of this year and next year won't impact the way you interact with others forever. I want you to be able to run and bear hug your friends, tickle their toes, and give ALL of your love to those around you. I don't want you to be worried about how I might react if you get too close to another child or fearful that if you sneeze in public that I'll have to keep you cooped up at home for the next few weeks without even a thought of stepping outside.
Charley, you are TWO now. A baby no more, but thankfully still my baby. You might look so much like your older sisters, but you are your OWN person. You will pave a road for yourself no doubt very different than what Emma and Morgan do for themselves. I will wait and watch and pray that I might be able to do my best to raise you for whatever the world might throw at you or where you might land.
I don't have a dog, but I'll be walking my kids everyday.
We are down to 16 government allowed reasons to leave our home in the state of New South Wales. Evidently this is part of the Stage 3 restrictions and let's be honest, this is all starting to get pretty confusing (because as I'm writing I'm wondering was there a new announcement maybe today that I missed?). One thing I know for sure is I'm about to find every possible opportunity to exercise outside in the coming months (and if my kids are good I'll bring them too).
Thankfully we've been in this stage for around a week now and (I don't think) it has changed so I've had some time to get my head wrapped around what I'm probably allowed to do and what I might get fined for. And we should probably get used to it because it's looking like these restrictions are here to stay for around three months. Although every country seems to have a different model, a different approach, a slightly different experience playing out, only the test of time will tell us which way to contain and eliminate or slowly spread this virus was best. Maybe these restrictions will become more severe, maybe they will ease, we will wait and see.
So what are the 16 reasons we can leave home right now? Here you go...
Slowly the world is closing
Work (if you can't work remotely)
School
Shop for food or essentials
Seek medical care
Exercise
To avoid injury, illness or escape risk of harm
To deal with emergencies
Access childcare
Provide care or assistance to another
Attend a wedding (max 5 people) or funeral (max 10 people)
Move to a new residence
Donate blood
Undertake legal obligations
Access social services
Continue care arrangements for children who live between households
For ministers to provide pastoral care in a place of worship
And if we do leave home we are told, at most, we can meet with one other person from outside our family (socially distanced of course). So far, I don't think we've really broken the rules, at least not blatantly, but let's be honest I'm not entirely sure either, especially as the rules are slightly different from state to state, country to country.
So this past weekend, well knowing that such an outing might be restricted by next weekend, we went for a day outside to a beautiful spot 45 minutes north of Sydney called Bobbin Head in the Kui-ring-gai Chase National Park. We walked on some gorgeous trails, rode bikes in empty parking lots, threw a frisbee, and went fishing. We also set out the picnic rug for a few minutes to eat lunch, I don't think that was technically allowed, but aren't we allowed food outside while we exercise? Also, we were fishing for leisure, we weren't fishing to feed ourselves, so that too might have got us in trouble. And if we were in Queensland from the sounds of it we likely could have earned ourselves a fine by driving that far to exercise as it might have been deemed unnecessary. Evidently we can still golf here in New South Wales, but not in other states. See what I mean?
Over dinner recently we had a chat about how, just like the fires that Australia endured as we rang in the new decade, this pandemic is nothing new to the world. While still rare, frightening and overwhelming, the world has witnessed such things before. I started to say how every human has moments like this that they experience and remember forever either on a personal or greater shared community level. Emma you asked me about other big moments I remembered and my first thought was of course 9/11, then the Great Recession in the late 2000's, the Syrian refugee crisis, Gulf war, Oklahoma City Bombing, and the Challenger Explosion (but I was too young to actually remember).
But then it struck me that for the most part (aside from the recession really) these were moments in time events, and ones that I was largely removed from or relatively not impacted by. They still changed the world in ways that eventually trickled down to facets of my life, but I did not directly experience the actual events. So this pandemic is actually quite different. We are all impacted. We all either know someone who is sick, someone on the front lines, or we are trying to do our part by staying home. But in saying that, I also feel it important to acknowledge, that as for now, our family is not directly impacted. Our lives are changing and we are forced to abide by ever-evolving rules but currently we are just sitting in the wings as casual observers. We are waiting for the moment when we might get called in to play something more than the understudy (in whatever form that might take), and hoping we don't, but at the same time feeling completely useless if we don't. Our staying home still just doesn't compare to stories like Anne Frank.
Just a few months ago we started a brand new decade. That's big, not just a new year, but a new decade. Just like the start of every year for the past 7 or 8 I realized that many of my routines would be new and it would take time to adjust and make them my normal. We had just hit our stride in March. We made it through the record-breaking fire season and increased time indoors from the high levels of smoke pollution that lingered throughout Sydney for several months. Emma you started year 2, Morgan you started preschool, Charley you even started a day a week in childcare. I was looking forward to what this year would bring for me personally, hopeful I could strike a balance either with a new part time job, maybe starting my own business, or who knows what, but I was going to have time to actually think about it.
And now this, its only the beginning of April and I already don't know, will 2020 be cancelled? Is this socially isolated life all we will know? Will our vision decline from all this screen time, will zoom become the newest verb in our vocabulary, will all forms of travel be more or less banned for the rest of the year? We don't know how this will end or when it will end and that is no doubt the scariest part for most all of us. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a long distance girl, but even this is taking me a lot to wrap my head around. Run 42km, walk 100km, fine. Stay at home, don't travel, don't see your friends, don't go to work, school, anything if you can avoid it, for an indefinite period of time, I just don't know.
A friend passed along this beautiful song the other day called You Already Know and it gave me some peace. God knows and he has a plan, he sees us and he hears us, we can still call out to him and he will answer. While I see others going to incredible precautionary levels, I see the fear. No, I don't want to be sick, I want to be careful, I want to be smart, and I don't want to spread this disease like wildfire, but I don't want to live my life controlled by a virus that appears uncontrollable. Besides, I have three beautiful girls to spend all day every day with, and my life is pretty close to capacity just trying to break into this new normal routine that none of us saw coming when we started this year.
Simultaneous crafting, online exercising, video calling in one space minus one kid. This is our new normal.
Love you three but not those future wrinkles
you will give me during this pandemic.
I started this blog for all of you (my little people that is). I wanted you to have a place to get a glimpse of the adventures of your childhood. Let's be honest, I'm pretty terrible at keeping up with it anymore these days. But now. This. A global pandemic. They say you will ask me questions about this when you're older. They say I should blog about something like this. They say you will want to know what it was REALLY like to live through a pandemic that brought the world to its knees, isolating us all while simultaneously bringing us together in a way that only a wartime experience might be able to do. They say you will want to know how did we possibly survive, a family of five, in a two bedroom unit with limited opportunities to get outside. The jury is still out on the answer to that question... You most likely will remember very little of it, I'm just praying what memories you have are fond memories. Memories of silly games, creative learning, time as a family, exploring nature (for as long as we are allowed). But let's be honest we're still in the early days now as we sit in Australia watching this virus make its way across the world like The Wave does in a baseball stadium. Waiting for it to really hit hard here. School and most of our regularly scheduled activities have really only been closed (and moved to online programming) for around a week. It was challenging last week as we learned our new normal, an influx of communications, and no doubt will continue to be challenging this second week. Maybe by week three we will hit our stride of this new normal. You each are aware of these changes at different levels. Emma you understand it pretty well, but thankfully you also have perhaps the most "routine" still at your fingertips with an amazing online curriculum (thank you teachers at Neutral Bay Public), ability to write and facetime your friends, and curl up with a book when you want to forget about your troubles. Morgan, my heart hurts a little more for you as you understand your normal routine, that you've worked so hard to learn this year, is gone, but you don't fully understand why, other than this hard to say "coronavirus" word. And Charley, well even the littlest person can feel the change too, but let's be honest you still run around with the same reckless abandon most days, just with fewer of your friends and perhaps a mildly safer terrain at home. Yet, however small, your level of awareness, I still see you expressing the pain of this change. I could start my positive outlook list now, all the great things that we should be happy for in this pandemic season... extra time together, daddy being home more (all the time), the safe place that is our home, daddy being home so he can help me cook dinner (and lunch), the extra cleaning and organizing we can get done at home, the goggle wearing and swimming lessons that will now take place in the bathtub, the craft extravaganza already taking place on my kitchen table (which will now become collateral damage), less concern about who you will get lice from next, this list can go on and on. But we're also going to spend some time grieving now. The trip to the US to see family and friends for the first time in 15 months gone (I'm still not going to tell you about the planned trip to Disney), all of our "normal" activities gone, no playdates, a new, different, online church, no longer being able to buy more than two tubes of toothpaste at a time (really? I don't know if I should feel glad or sad that these is also an unknown toothpaste buying frenzy, or is there something I'm missing? we're a family of five with different toothpaste needs how do I prove this to the cashier?), this list can also go on and on. None of us know how or when this will end. None of us know what it is going to look on the other side. None of us know if we will lose loved ones, lose incomes, lose our mental health, or lose our own life. So for now, I'm going to pray for all of us, but especially for the three of you. Unfortunately aside from staying home there strangely isn't much else we can do right now. So I'm going to pray that you won't fear, pray that you will be adaptable, pray that you will show me a whole lot of grace, and of course pray that we and our loved ones stay well. I heard a great quote today during our online sermon from our senior minister, unfortunately I missed who said it, "What will you become as you wait?" I wonder what each of you will become as we wait. I wonder how this will forever change you. I never imagined this is how we would start a new decade. I never imagined I would have three kids living in a small apartment under likely soon to be quarantined rules. I never imagined the weight of being a parent and making the "right" decisions for you would become even more difficult than they already were. So let's be strong and courageous in this wait together.
...was one of the best days of my life. It started so quietly, just you and me, and finished the same way. But between the quietness was a whole lot more. And I knew life would never be the same.
Nearly four months ago now (but still so very fresh in my memory) and I've been promising myself most everyday I would write this story down. But today, sweet girl, I'll finish this so you don't have to wonder if you're as loved as your sisters. No doubt you are so very loved, I just might not have quite as much time or energy to capture all these memories along the way as I once did, so please forgive me now.
You took your time little one and took an extra week to grow inside me before the doctors decided you would be safer out than in. Perhaps you already knew the chaos awaiting you on the outside world before your arrival (and hence what seemed like a surprisingly loud newborn cry that came out of you), or perhaps you just already wanted to be like your biggest sister Emma (in that case, your dad and I might be in for it - in all the best ways of course). Regardless the reason why, I was thankful to know that your arrival was imminent. It had been a never-ending Australian summer and two long weeks of school holidays to cap off a very exhausting pregnancy.
Those last couple weeks I took a lot of photos of you inside me, because everyday I wondered if it would be the last.
Some days the background was more chaotic than others.
Emma's cute drawing of me shortly before you were born.
After a very normal Saturday morning of soccer it seemed a bit surreal as we dropped your older sisters off at the house of dear friends on Saturday afternoon, not exactly knowing when we would see them next. I would be induced starting off slowly overnight and it all seemed very reminiscent of Emma's birth story. I could only pray it would be quicker. While at first there was some hesitation due to a last minute influx of scheduled inductions at the hospital that I might have to go back home and wait a few more days, I was thankful to find out that wouldn't be the case and we would be meeting you sooner rather than later.
Last family of four photo. A classic.
The first of Emma & Morgan's fun, movie night. So nice to know they were in the best hands.
Your dad and I spent several hours of relaxed time together while we got the first stage of the induction process under way. How different was this time spent than it was when Emma was born and we were beyond nervous and anxious. This time, it was like a date night, well, let's not go too far with that statement. But let's be real too. We were down two kids, and you were still on the inside, it was Saturday night and we had babysitters scheduled for the next 36 hours. Just disregard the fact that we were at the hospital.
A few hours later and your dad was sent home to get Emma & Morgan and get some rest and I was to do the same at the hospital. Perhaps something would happen in the middle of the night, but it was less likely than likely. So I settled in for the evening armed with reading material as who knew if I would really be able to sleep. But somewhere between my Uber Eats dinner from a restaurant I had been wanting to try, my favorite Saturday evening House Hunters marathon on TV, and complete quietness of my own "isolation" room and no other children to bother me, I dared to say it felt like I was at a hotel for the night and found myself asleep in bed much earlier than I ever anticipated (yes, date night and a night in a hotel, call me crazy but I promise they didn't give me any other drugs that I'm aware of at least).
So with a surprisingly good night of sleep, I felt ready to go for the early morning wake up call to really get the process started. And I was so ready to meet you. Your dad was to the hospital by 7 or 7:30 once another friend had made it over to the house to take Emma & Morgan for their well orchestrated day of fun with various friends and church in between. Emma now says the day you were born was the "best day of her life." At first I thought that was one of the sweetest things she'd ever said and then when probed with why she said it was because she "got to play with soooo many of her friends." Don't worry too much Charley, trust me, she still loves you a whole lot too.
By church Morgan was already exhausted!
She got a second wind in time for an afternoon with more friends.
Emma enjoyed her afternoon playdate as well!
Back to the story... it was clear that the medicines they gave me the night before had not done much, so with a few failed attempts to break my waters and finally a successful one, and I was hopeful (and perhaps a tiny bit anxious) that this party would really get started. Although I must say I was also quite enjoying our "date night" turned "day date." In hopes to start some contractions we set off to walk both inside and outside the hospital for an hour or two. We got coffee, talked about anything and everything, and genuinely enjoyed this uninterrupted time for the two of us again. It fondly took me back to the evenings that we would stroll our Zurich neighborhood in the last few months of my pregnancy with Emma.
At some point I started to notice I was finally having some contractions at a semi-regular interval, but with not too much intensity yet. So we checked back in a few times with my midwife, walked a bit more, generally had a relatively laid back few hours of a Sunday morning. Unfortunately I was on a clock to avoid being given Pitocin, and while my midwife kept trying to help my cause, by noon, while the contractions were fairly regular and close together, it just wasn't quite enough so I got ready for the third and final step that was sure to get you out.
Sometime shortly after they gave me the drip things really heated up. But my hopes diminished temporarily when my midwife told me she was going to take her lunch break. My first thought was "how could she take her lunch break now?!" My second thought was "how does she really feel like eating right now?!" And my third thought was "uh oh, this is going to take awhile!" But she instilled some confidence in me that she really thought it wouldn't be long before she passed things off to another midwife and the doctor.
Let's just say I was thankful that she was right. I was thankful it got really intense fast and we got to skip all the things we discussed doing to make labor progress more quickly and less painfully (well the less painfully part would have been good). By the time she was back, I was pushing and less than an hour later (and after a little yelling and screaming) and you were here. Another healthy, beautiful, little girl.
Words don't describe it, but if you're lucky enough to one day experience it, than you will know what I mean. That feeling when you arrived and they set you on my chest. I will absolutely never forget it. And no doubt "heaven blew every trumpet" because at 1:50 pm on the 29 April 2018, Charlotte Marie was born. And I was convinced (and most days still believe), just like with your sisters, that the most perfect little person just entered the world.
Recently Emma asked me "just to be sure" if a boy could ever have a baby and I told her not, that it is a very lucky gift that God gave to us girls. She said it was unfair because I previously told her that carrying a baby and having a baby is exhausting and sometimes makes moms grumpy and that doesn't happen to boys. I told her that was true, but I also told her that I'm pretty sure there is nothing quite as amazing in this world as having a baby. And you, Charley, proved that to me again that day. Yes, it is A LOT of hard work, but it is THE BEST work.
No day is as good as the day three sisters meet (and mom loses it).
A family of five at last. Charley Marie, you are so loved.
And the chaos ensued immediately.
But I will forever remember the day you were born. And the stillness of the early morning before you came and the stillness of the late night after you arrived, when it was just you and me.
Thank you sweet girl, for making my life, never, ever the same.
Just like that, another year is gone. Seriously, I know people say things go faster with the second one, but this last year flew! Morgan turned one on February 17 and we celebrated with some close friends a couple weeks after the big day. Her actual birthday was pretty low key, but she got a sweet, carefully picked out gift from sister (a "beanie boo" monkey, that just happens to be one of Emma's favorite things as well). And as it fell on a Friday, it meant that just Morgan and I got some time to do our own thing together. The rain fell down in buckets the afternoon of her birthday and the morning of her birthday party, as it seems to be the thing to do in Sydney right now. Every. Single. Day. But that's ok, the birthday girl seemed not to notice and the "You are my sunshine" themed party helped to balance out the otherwise dismal weather.
We've watched many milestones pass by in the past year and now we wait in anticipation to see what the youngest member of the family will do next (maybe walking, one day? She could really care less about it right now). But one thing's for sure, this girl is happy, and when she's not happy, well she let's you know it. We call it "the squawk" and I think most people that have heard it would agree, you can hear a little of it here (along with a lot of other chaos) while she carefully negotiates the stairs...
Seriously, back to the happy part. Quite simply she loves life. She loves to smile. She loves to laugh. She loves to eat. She loves to crawl as fast as she can with her head down until she falls face first. She loves to crawl up the stairs as fast as she can. She loves to hug and "kiss" your face. She loves when she's sitting in her high chair and sees daddy coming in the front door. She loves to sit in our little kid Ikea chair. She loves to "flap her wings" to show her excitement. She loves to fall backwards. She loves to throw her neck back and have you tickle it. She loves to sit in her Pilates v-sit (she must have a seriously strong core). She loves to sleep (THANK GOODNESS, not always uninterrupted, but nonetheless I'll take it). She loves to sleep in her cot. She loves her big sister. She loves when her big sister drives her around in a car. She loves bath time, especially with her big sister. She loves to rummage. She loves to open and close everything she can get her hands on. She loves to get everything out of any box, drawer, container she can find. She loves dogs. She loves the park. She loves ME.
She loves the park!
She loves just trying to be a big girl.
Always in her Pilates v-sit
We feel so lucky that her list of loves is so big. While I could make a list of things she does not love, that's not much fun. So pretty much just imagine trying to stop her from doing any of the above things and you can figure out what she does not love. And then you'll get "the squawk." And if your name is Emma, you might just get a bite as well.
No biting here, just a friendly whack on the face.
So here's a look at some of the fun of her birthday day and month. It's so hard to pick just one. It was a fun February.
Her actual birthday was spent with a semi-successful trip to the beach, but a really fun photo shoot at home!
From her birthday party...
The "Name that baby" game was so much fun!
When the icing gets a little too heavy for the cake!
The start of "her look"
Thanks to our playgroup friends Morgan even got a little extra birthday celebration!
Last week you turned two, Charley. You experienced a birthday in the peak of COVID-19 isolation mode. I'm so thankful it was you and not either of your sisters' birthdays last week. I'm going to hold out hope that by the time Emma's birthday roles around near the end of June that she can have a semi-normal birthday. It was actually quite great timing as we like to joke that "we don't celebrate second birthdays in our house" anyways. After all, we sent Emma to her first full day of daycare when she turned two, and well we moved house on Morgan's second birthday. Anti-climatic second birthdays is what we do.
